Homeland Security

There's no group more inspirational to Total Loan than Homeland Security.

Michael Chertoff, being the ultimate fire retardant, is sending 25,000 cots and blankets to shelters in wildfire-ravaged San Diego. Mike, if you have time, could you send some water too? And maybe rethink the send-evacuees-to-Qualcomm-Stadium plan. It didn't work out too well last time.

John Stamos

Just for saying that he's no David Hasselhoff. Why would he aim so high?

Thanks, China

You guys just won't give up until we're all dead, will you?

US: Chinese Seafood Detained for Safety

Imports of five species of farmed Chinese seafood will be detained until they can be shown free of potentially dangerous antibiotics, federal health officials said Thursday.

Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization

Researchers will visit the Upper Peninsula of Michigan next month to search for evidence of Bigfoot. I really hope they find him.

Florida golfers

So this idiot goes to get a ball out of a pond clearly labeled as dangerous and the gator bites it? Too bad he didn't get a good final meal out of it.

A man who lost his ball in a golf course pond nearly lost a limb when a nearly 11-foot alligator latched on to his arm and pulled him in the water, authorities said.

It took seven Fish and Wildlife officers an hour to trap the one-eyed alligator, which measured 10 feet, 11 inches, Morse said.

The pond at the sixth hole has a "Beware of Alligator" sign.

Blockbuster

Made the mistake of stopping at Blockbuster for an impromptu movie only to be accosted at the door by a woman demanding we sign up for Blockbuster Total Access. You would think that if you said "no thanks" at door, they would give up, but no, we were outsmarted and met again at the checkout line where she proceeded to ask every single person in line why they hadn't signed up.

Here's how it went:

Blockbuster: Why aren't you a Total Access member?
Victim: I just came in for one movie.
Blockbuster: Don't you want to save money?
Victim: No.
Blockbuster: What's stopping you from joining?
Victim: My mom.

As I stood behind this poor guy, I realized I was up next, and I was prepared.

Blockbuster: Why aren't you a Total Access member?
Me (not a victim!): We have NetFlix.
Blockbuster: Why would you use NetFlix and have to mess with all of the envelopes and pesky mailboxes when you can come here and drop it off?
Me: Well, I'm actually a busy person, so the mailbox at my desk at work actually works out very well.
Blockbuster: Don't you want to save money?
Me: No, not really. A few dollar difference is worth it to me to be less annoyed.

She gave up on me, finally, but I was left wondering why people stopping in to just rent a simple movie should have to fall victim to Blockbuster's marketing strategy-of-the-week.

Next time, if I don't have the time to wait for NetFlix, I'll be stopping at one of the redbox kiosks the grocery stores have now. New releases for $1 and nobody obnoxiously up selling me at every turn.

Motley Crue/Tommy Lee

AP is reporting that Motley Crue is suing one of the band's managers for more than $20 million, claiming he pushed drummer Tommy Lee into doing two disastrous reality shows that took him away from the group and forced the cancellation of dozens of concerts.

The suit claimed that beginning in 2005, Stubner and Sanctuary got Lee involved in "bad career moves" including the short-lived reality TV show "Tommy Lee Goes to College." The show was "a ratings disaster" that portrayed Lee as "incoherent, lazy and incompetent," disruptive in classes and unable to keep a beat in a school marching band.

Incoherent, lazy and incompetent? That's an understatement. This guy managed to divorce Heather Locklear and Pamela Anderson, drown someone's kid at a birthday party at his house and give poor Pam Hepatitus C. The rest of the band should stop bothering with their managers and go after Tommy for being such a tool.